Wicked is as Wicked Does

California has "hella." Maine has "wicked." Texas has...Texas has. Hmm. Texas doesn't need a tag-line! When Spike and I moved to San Francisco about a year and a half ago, I never expected a) to be living in San Francisco - ever, b) to be living in Maine - ever, and c) to hate the expression "hella" so much that I've come to appreciate the expression "wicked."

Take for example, "My headache is so hella bad right now" or "My vacation was hella awesome." I heard it used on the train going to work, in the grocery store, at the movies. Anywhere people talked, that awful word came out of their mouths. My issue with it isn't that it has the word "hell" in it. It's that it's such a crazy abbreviation of "hell of a." This just goes to prove how lax people on the west coast are about their speech. My friend Rene said that kids at school would even say "hecka" so they weren't cursing. I'm not sure which one I dislike more.

Maine's version of "hella" is "wicked." This one I like much more. They probably use it just as much as the Californians used...that other word. Mainers like to use "wicked" to describe everything from storms to food to traffic. It can go either way to describe something bad or good. Let's practice, shall we?

That guy had the most wicked fast pitch.

He scraped up his knee wicked bad.

The food at the restaurant was so wicked awesome.

I like "wicked" because it seems like it has roots a little bit deeper than "hella." Sure, new words come around all the time, but "hella" needs to be put on the back-burner and left to burn. To a black crisp. Then put down the disposal with the moldy leftovers that have been in the back of the fridge for two months. Now THAT would be wicked.

The Wide Open Road (Kill)

I guess Texans aren't the only ones who know how to tell a tall tale...or use PhotoShop!

We all know the look of a dead armadillo on the side of the road in the Hill Country. That sad prehistoric looking thing on it's back with its legs sticking up and no longer moving. It's the staple in Texas...I don't even think twice when I see them anymore. Now deer on the other hand are a different hazard all together since they can total your car. I remember driving down to Fredericksburg one summer to see my grandparents and we had a few close calls with deer down there. But at least at night you can see a deer's eyes reflecting your headlights.

Not so with moose. I haven't come across any since I haven't travelled too far off the beaten road in Maine. Their eyes don't reflect the light so I guess YOU might be the one with the "deer in the headlights" look when one is passing in front of your car. One morning I was listening to the radio and the newsman reported that over the weekend a moose had been hit on the interstate. It sounded pretty brutal. I'll attempt a reenactment: "Over the weekend, an adult moose was hit on the southbound side of I-95 several times before it attempted to get away. It was passing over to the northbound side where it was hit several times again. Needless to say, there wasn't much left of the moose." Really? Did he have to include that last sentence? Now I have moose guts and parts in my imagination that I didn't want. And how kind of me to pass that along to you, huh?

If you've never seen a live moose like me, you've heard that they're big and dumb and that's about it. Well to give you an idea, an adult bull will stand about 6-7 feet high at the SHOULDER. We still have those head and antlers to think about. And they can weigh up to 1500 pounds. And apparently they're dumb enough to charge cars during mating season if they think your little Honda is a threat to the female they have their eyes on. Over the 4th of July weekend a moose calf was spotted across the road from my house near the Arby's. I guess they have cravings for roast beef, Jamocha shakes, and curly fries too.

Writer's Block

I take this blog somewhat seriously. I say somewhat because I obviously don't keep up with it on a regular basis or keep up with who's "following". As you can see, I haven't written a new entry since the first of July and I kind of like it like that. I have a few ideas floating around in my head about what I could say, but I want to truly be inspired by my surroundings and people. So don't give up on me yet. I'm just still chewing on a few things that I feel you might like to read. Have any ideas or want to know anything about Maine? Just comment and I might be inspired!

Come and Git Yer Live Lobsters!

To combat this "not wanting to cook" syndrome with Spike away, I ordered Thai food the other night. Curry has become my new favorite dish, and Mekhong Thai down the road knows just how to make it. I usually get green curry chicken while Spike usually gets the Massaman, or red, curry. I ordered both dishes so I could get 4 meals out of them when it was all said and done.

Driving over to the restaurant was actually kind of entertaining despite the rush hour traffic. All within 30 seconds while waiting at a red light, I saw some of the funniest things I've seen in a while. First, Walgreens was advertising on their electric sign that they had live lobsters. Uhhh...seriously? I can just imagine at the next dinner party, "These lobsters are delicious. Did you get them down at the Wharf?" And the response, "Nope. I got 'em down at the Wol-greens. They was on special." That's when you know you're a redneck in Maine: you get your lobsters at Walgreens. I'm still confused about this.

Next, a car in the lane next to me was sporting every kind of New England Patriots signage you could imagine. And one other thing - a bumper sticker that said "I Hate Peyton Manning." Now I'm no football buff. Spike and I hate football so much that we have deemed Super Bowl Sunday the best day to go out to eat for a quiet meal in a restaurant. But Peyton Manning is hilarious. Did you see him do the United Way commercial parody on Saturday Night Live? It's classic! And besides that, it was one of the funniest SNLs I've ever seen. Period. I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that these Patriots fans have no sense of humor and are jealous of Peyton Manning.

Last, in the building next to Mekhong Thai is a small seafood store that sells lobsters among other things. I've never been in there, but I know this because there's a white van that sits on the side of the street and has this advertised on the back doors. But it's no ordinary advertising. They really went to great lengths to make this sign look good. So good that it looks like they got their four year old to paint "Lobsters $6.99/lb" with an oversized brush and in lobster blood. That's a lot of dead lobsters. And it definitely makes me want to buy seafood from people who park their van (the kind with no windows, mind you) on the street and advertise their offerings in lobster blood. Yummy.